patong - dance with the devil, day 17

in a haze that seemed dreamy to me, i left my sanctuary on samui for the lights of patong beach in phuket. the airport in samui cradled a curled, dozing body of mine for the last hour, then i was picked up and slung towards phuket island in the west. i'd heard so many mixed reviews, i was interested to set the record straight. photo of the open-air airport in samui:

From vietnam / thailand trip

i land and have a brief conversation with a older american from st. louis, who still attempts to mix with the youthful crowd. strolling on to the bus, the heat swells and i brace myself for the inevitably long ride. by the time i'm at the hotel in patong, it's 4 o'clock and i'm strolling on the beach. it's a pretty comparable scene from most beach towns i've taken in this trip. parachute boats ripping though the foreground and bikini clad westerners dipping in ankle deep water. it's pretty enough, but not going to make my top gun beach list.

From vietnam / thailand trip

in search for some local cuisine, i inquire at my hotel. the receptionist tells me there is a market outside of the main drag and that it is very authentic. strolling towards the market, i'm noticing fewer and fewer westerners; i must be on the right path. the market, like all others in thailand would fail any fda test. meats sit out in the scorching heat for many hours, flies buzzing around and the smell of overripe fruit, (mostly durian), almost floors me. i quickly run up the steps to the food court, which apparently is what my receptionist was talking about. why not? i order the chicken rice, which is what most people are enjoying. the price is right at 40 bhat ($1.33). i desperately need a pineapple shake, but the vendor woman is no where to be found. i sit eating and spicing my food up, (to the delight of the locals) and finally get my pineapple shake to my tastebud's relief. time to stroll back to the neon pavement, back to where i blend in.

patong at night is such a different animal. this town has two faces, easily uncovered. during the day its wading pool / beachy persona is posted akin to the faux smile given to your mom when trying to look cool in your pack of middle school friends. once the poles have dancing partners on the strip and the town is painted in blacklight, patong's lips pull back to uncover extended canine teeth. the grit isn't just the sand from the beach. again, being a solo male, i get offers for sex, drugs and pingpong shows. part of me reverts to my 13 year old persona, wide eyed and shocked at the spectacle framed by women grinding on poles. i make my way into some clubs, but it's way too early and the only "patrons" are prostitutes and older ferang (white) men. wondering the streets, i meet up with the aussies at the factory club and i attempt to dance away my shock. after j-lo and a couple of gaga tunes, we retreat to the backstreets where expats and some travelers take comfort at tiny bars. it's apparently the birthday of the aussie's local friend / bartender who plies us with drinks, dancing around in celebration as we play games and close the tiki bar out, (i scribble my name under the cabana). the aussies say goodbye and i walk home reflecting on patong. the late night clubs were fun, as was mixing with the locals, but the in-your-face adult playground wore on me and it's clear, i have to make a run for koh phi phi.

small note: sorry for the lack of photos at night, i was concerned about my camera being lifted from my possession. i understand written descriptions aren't as visually telling, but hopefully you get the picture (pun!).

samui - my hangover/paradise left, day 16

upon studying the effects of energy drinks and bacardi, i have to conclude the hangover was twice as potent. still this can't slow me down and i still wake up early enough to grab the breakfast buffet; in perspective that was 4 hours after i crashed. breakfast mostly consisted of heaps of bacon, chicken fried rice and fruit. don't knock it until you try it, there is something very healing about salty cuts of pork savored on a pallet dealt alcohol in spades all the previous night.

dubiously, i entertain the thought maybe the headache would reside a bit if i got a haircut. my regular cut is pretty standard, minus the fact i've got 2 cowlicks. that's nothing a little language can overcome, right? i sit down waiting while the barber finishes details on the local lady before me. she has a peanut gallery and they are all racing 1000 km an hour in thai. then before i could ponder the effects of a set of clippers to my achy scalp, i'm in the operating chair. i motion lengths, pantomime clipping and twirl my fingers above my cowlicks; my charades skills in play. she nods and picks up the clippers and by the time she is done finishing with a straight edge blade, i can't help but wonder how much it would cost to come to thailand for haircuts every 3 weeks. to my laughter, she asks if i was at the full moon party and i affirm, wondering how she knew until i get home and look in the mirror. there is glow body paint all over the side of my face.

i have a feeling this will be a day of rest., but i've heard whispers of a buddha so grand it can be seen from the other side of the island. i grab a transport over to what i believe is the northerly side of the island. the truck leisurely winds through the island and finally drops me off at a dusty peninsula. at first, i wonder if the driver was at the full moon party the night before too, but i look and sure enough there is a buddha head sticking out in the distance. i walk the dusty trail down the beach and arrive at the statue. it's huge, and even though i haven't seen wat pho yet, i'm pretty sure this will be one of the bigger buddhas on the trip.

From vietnam / thailand trip

From vietnam / thailand trip

after relishing the statue's momentous scale and taking in the view from the platform, i head back home. i get lost finding the bus, but hire a local lady for the same price who is happy to drive me back home. i'm still not feeling up to par, so i grab a bottle of singha and lounge by the poolside soaking up rays like the doctor prescribed them. i meet a flock of aussies who are friendly and we end up heading out for dinner. since we are all pretty satisfied after partying the night before, we decide to wrap up the night with a massage and head to bed. like myself, they are off to phuket tomorrow. they speak very highly of the nightlife over there and i'm considering if all the pointed views i've heard are wrong. we will soon see, dear reader.

samui/koh panang or don't fight the feeling or fullmoontitus, day 15

i woke up early and was finally able to enjoy the buffet put on by p'somporn's resort. it was largely bacon and pad thai with a helping of bacon. i need all the energy i can muster for tonight as many people party all night and wake to greet the sunrise in the morning. this ain't my first rodeo though, cowboy. i've done carnival in rio and if i can do that, this should be a walk in the park on a segway.

i spend most of the day wondering around cheweng, which is a real touristy spot. dozens and dozens of shops run alog both sides of the road. they all sell the same things for about the same price, although that's always flexible and no doubt comes with the 'white tax'. massage parlors are almost every other space and the running joke of their pronunciation of 'massaaaage' brought me many laughs. i walk into the wrong shop and asked for a price and am handed a subtle menu which includes such packages as 'massage and sex' for 2500 bhat, i quickly make a break for the door. the strange thing is prostitution is illegal, yet these shops flat out slate it on a menu. i walk to a legitimate massage parlor and get a thai massage for 6 bucks. some people think it's rough, but I enjoy deep tissue massage, so it's right up my alley.

From vietnam / thailand trip

i make my way back to cheweng beach resort and take my first stroll up and down the beach. the sand is quite lovely, very powdery and light. i go for a swim but there are jellyfish everywhere and i freak out quite a bit after getting stung in brazil. i soak up some sun on the patio and chat with the aussie couple, who are headed to see the insanity that is full moon on koh panang, too. brad kicks my ass in ping pong. running into multitudes of aussies, i've had numerous conversations and find so many elements about their society interesting. they have a minimum wage for age brackets, so as you get older you make more aaaand their minimum wage starts at about 10 an hour, i hear. it's very expensive to live down there though and i've heard that a lot of people in my age bracket have drug problems. due to their main source of income coming from tourism, they are highly dependent as many countries about safety and perception of their image. apparently oprah has helped them with the image and advertising, perhaps she did it for some kangaroos and to have the opera house unofficially dubbed the oprah house? time to get ready for the ball cinderella! i walk across to the 7-11, (yes, they are everywhere) and grab some native redbull to artificially pump me up for the party.

From vietnam / thailand trip

 
i've chartered a speedboat with some others to koh panang. i meet some moon rapture buddies outside of the resort and our bus pulls up a little late. we head north to said speed boat and join with more party goers. there are a couple of dudes from germany, one brazilian, one dutch, and two aussies. i always relish any chance i get to speak portugese and i start chatting with gabi from sao paulo and her friend vanessa from holland. we get off the boat and pay the entrance fee, which is probably to keep the beaches clean, and we receive bright colored bracelets with a palm tree and what resembles a booze bucket. we walk through the town which seems to be bursting at the seams and get some food. my kee mao almost burns the roof off, they made the assumption I could handle the heat since i ordered something off the regular menu. we walk down to the beach where all the action will go down. it's sparsely inhabited, but people are spilling out in droves. it's hard to imagine ten thousand people getting crunked and bumping uglies on the beach during my full moon. yes, i do mean my full moon, i bought it off a dude selling pills on the beach for 500 bhat. we search where to buy buckets of booze, which are the ceremonial flaggon for this celebration and there are a plethora of stands with entertaining signs mostly selling the potency of their products with swear words and movie lines. we decide the same same, but different stand is the best and grab redbull and bacardi buckets. night is falling like a curtain at the end of a show, in a moth-ish fashion we head towards the brightest light which happens to be the flaming jump rope (later I'm told the clinics on the island sponsor these). in the spirit or spirits of adventure i decide to try it. i've seen enough people fail and get scalded but nothing serious yet. i ready myself and some local runs before me and jumps in. since the rope arches up towards the hurlers, i decide to wait until he leaves before jumping in. he leaves and i rush in, the burning braid brushing against my foot on my first jump, but i figured it out after that and got about 7 jumps before it got my foot again. partially due to my excellent training in school, i immediately drop to the sand and do my stop, drop and roll. i survived! proof below:



which was better than some other stories i heard: one guys hair caught on fire and another's groin ignited, that's gotta hurt. we went down a slide, which was considerably less dangerous. then on to the beachy dance floors, with their strange black light obelisks floating eerily in the air. there were platforms to dance on and the rest of the night was more of a blur to me. i lost track of my new friends and made it back to the speedboat around 3am. i return to my room around 4am and crash, exhausted, in a heap on the bed. i howled at the moon, spilling booze from my bucket whilst dancing up a storm and braved a flaming jump rope. i'm positive the reflection of the moon lay in my eyes as my lids closed.

From vietnam / thailand trip

From vietnam / thailand trip

From vietnam / thailand trip

From vietnam / thailand trip

samui - boat tours and treacherous hikes, day 14

From vietnam / thailand trip

waking early again, but it's always for a good cause. i'm lucky no one is traveling with me, sometimes i think i have the sleeping patterns of grandparents, minus the fact i stay out all night. on to the boat tour up north in the national park. i set up with burmese peter. the aussies from dinner are in the van and i get the cherished front seat again (another motif on this trip). i promptly pass out and wake up on the dock where we are shepherded on the barge. a german girl named nele sits next to us and we get partnered to kayak together. she speaks 5 languages and is 19; wtf is up with our school system?? first off, sea kayaking for only an hour or so and our german guide tries her darnedest to sound as interested informing us about the history as someone answering the thirteenth 'why' asked by a persistent 4 year old. she deftly cruises at breakneck speeds that nele and i actually have to work to keep up and i feel bad for everyone else. we dart in and out of a cave and along the edge of the cliffs. we pull up to the shore and hike up the first steep stairway up to the green lagoon. pictures to follow.

From vietnam / thailand trip

we slowly descend after i fail to find a way down to the lagoon and are informed we can't swim in the lagoon because fish breed there. we have a quick dip to cool off, then it's back to the boat for the lunch. it is very meh, unfortunamente. then it's off to another island which apparently has a difficult hike to an amazing viewpoint of all the islands. the disapproving german guide strongly advises against hiking it in sandals but nele and i disregard her. she wasn't kidding either. the hike is supposed to take 45 min up and 45 down. thoroughly dripping in sweat and partially rock climbing as well as clinging to the guiding rope for dear life, we make it to the final shear craggy cliff below the lookout. somehow the rock has worn down to resemble blades of prehistoric axes. we make it to the top and relish the view, not wanting to imagine how the decent will be. there are tons and tons of Germans and nele gets back to her native tongue for a moment. i fantasize about having a kite and flying down. there is the minute possibly that could add to the danger seeing as i've never hanglided before.

From vietnam / thailand trip

 
the decent is a nightmare and despite my sandals slipping off so many times i lost count, i only fell once gashing my elbow with the pseudo axe face of the cliff. climbing backwards is painfully slow and there are many people in shoes almost running down the hill. the insect noise inspires me a bit, but it's probably an hour in total for the decent and our cooloff period is cut short as the boar is headed back. we head back and to cheweng beach to lounge for a bit before the mosquitoes bleed us dry. The attempt to meet up with the Aussie ladies almost doesn't happen due to a misunderstanding about betelnut's ( a restaurant ) name. but we find them eventually and have a nice dinner as do the skitos. it's goodbye to nele and off to bed for yours truly, tomorrow i will witness the madness brought on by the full moon and hopefully see no werewolves.

- written on my ipod so apologies for weird formatting. will edit on return.

updates

sorry for the lack of updates recently. time flew by as i had commutes. i'm off to bangkok today and then back to seattle. i will hopefully find some time to write in bangkok tonight and i will fatefully finish the trip's journal even if it's back in the states when i do. koh samui, phuket, koh phi phi and bangkok all to be elaborated on shortly.

-the author

samui - meeting a resort mogul, day 13

another early flight, but upon landing in samui, i realize it's worth it. the airport is luxurous and open air. when i arrive at cheweng resort, i'm greeted by a very nice staff and shown a room which in comparison to my chiang mai experience, i start laughing. mostly due to how incredibly decadent it is.

From vietnam / thailand trip

i could post more photos, but you can also look at my picasa page. i think they messed up and gave me the honeymoon suite. fortunately it was close to my 29th anniversary living with myself and a good reason to celebrate. the man behind all of this is p'somporn, who is a relative to a friend who jay introduced me to. on top of the awesome pad, which included a pool and a great restaurant, i also got the full tour of all his resorts including his new one. he has researched different styles of architecture from all over the world and it definitely shows. the new resort is going to be so swank, he will set the tone for the rest of the luxury resorts on the island.

From vietnam / thailand trip

after seeing p'somporn's new resort, i head back to the cheweng resort and go for a dip in the water. i meet some aussies and we decide to meet up at the rasta bar that night. i wonder more up and down the beach, grabbing dinner on the main drag at a restaurant called the aussie bbq or something. the service was abysmal, it took them almost an hour to make my meal, a seafood pad thai. the waiter keeps telling me 5 more minutes and my mango shake is decimated by the time my food comes. some aussie ladies sat down next to me, i commented that i hope they weren't hungry. they laughed, but in fairness it took 45 minutes for the salads they ordered. they are going on a trip to the wilderness reserve and i found out they purchased it from a man named peter just up the road. i ask for the check several times and send scathing looks in a vain attempt to speed up the billing process. island time. i buy the tour from peter, who is a burmese who fled and has lost a lot of his family; mostly due to illness, but still it's a grim situation. i thank him and skidattle to the rasta bar.

this whole trip has not been the most pleasant for a man traveling alone. the aussies had told me this bar is past a bunch of shady clubs and i would have to deal with women hassling me. it's not as bad as chiang mai though where one actually jumped on me like a monkey, i just kept walking and assuring her i wasn't going to buy her a drink. she finally got the point and let go. anyway, they assume the darkest of a man alone at night and it was a true pain to get to the rasta bar. there is a live band and the club is absolutely, utterly empty. so empty the band is playing songs directly to me and my clapping echoes solitary appreciation. i'm close to finishing this beer and the aussies are nowhere to be seen. all i can think is i'm truly sad for this band, who, minus the drummer is giving it a pretty good effort for a gigantic empty house and pondering exit strategies. could i look like i'm going to the bathroom and just leave? should i applaud and walk out? should i get up in the middle of the song and leave or would they announce my flight? fortunately, the aussies show up and i have a couple of drinks with them. they ordered some popcorn, which took the place of some salgados and i realized i was getting torn up by mosquitoes. those bastards are horrible over here. i bid the couple goodnight and walk past the redlight district home. tomorrow, the island tour awaits me.

chiang mai - water and elephants, day 12

the hangover is the worst so far on the trip. i ponder how much i could pay the guide to not take me to the mountains when a firm rap is upon my prison cell door. i made this bed, i'm going to lie in it. as i climb in the back of the pickup truck, i wonder how kind the roads will be.

i try not to pay attention to the swaying car and the bad road and meet my compadres. there are 2 from good ol' america, 2 brits, 1 girl from hong kong and 4 koreans. as everyone knows my nature, i still managed to talk my head off with a hangover. the hour and a half drive was pretty rough, but the payoff was coming. i was paired with the girl from hong kong for the elephant ride which was amazingly rough, we sat on a rice bag and had a rail that wasn't attached to hold onto as the elephant trod up and down a mountain mind you. i would say our elephant definitely had a personality though, he stopped whenever he pleased and i would pass him bananas that he would take and toss aside. ingrate. it was definitely a memorable experience though.

From vietnam / thailand trip

then it was on to the hike up to the waterfall. a windy road along the stream where most fear to tread. sometimes you would skip over stepping stones across the stream. other times there were a couple of bamboo logs tied to eachother, which i prayed wouldn't break under the strain of my weight. they didn't. another great payoff and excellent cool down, i went in and sat under the waterfall for a while, getting my own version of a swedish massage. on to whiter water: white water rafting.

From vietnam / thailand trip

i got placed in the whiter person raft although i was feeling bad i wasn't with the girl from hong kong, because she didn't know how to swim. but that wasn't going to happen, right? after an extremely brief and detailed speech in broken english about how to handle oars, rapids and commands they gave me a helmet too small for my big dome, stuck a paddle in my arms and plunked me onto the raft. it was intense and we took on quite a bit of water, but we weren't prepared for what happened to the other raft. as we came around a bend, we saw their raft flipped over and the poor hong kong girl clutching a rock for dear life. our guide pulled aside and deftly swam across the rapids to help the other guide recover the oars and help her out of the water. but where were the koreans? apparently when it flipped they didn't stick around to help the poor girl out and left her there. assholes.

we finished the rest of the trip on the raft and went on to bamboo floating which they also call bamboo submarines. quite an odd feeling sinking in the water on a swaying bamboo raft lazily going down the river. all i could think was, 'where is my beer?'. it was almost time to wrap up the trip and we had a visit to a tribes village in the mountain. it literally was 5 minutes so i didn't get much information at all. they did have a few pigs though.

i returned back to the hostel to meet ken, a old coworker of my father's and we had a great chat walking though the night market. he has quite a bit of insight into the banking woes, like dad, but also has firm experience within international banking, so i was quite interested in what he had to say. ken preached about thailand and how it's great to retire there, i can see his life is quite comfortable and he seems very happy. his wife gia was very nice too, although we didn't have much time to chat. obligatory photo:

From vietnam / thailand trip

after that, i went to bed as i flew out of chiang mai at 6 in the morning.
(the airport)

From vietnam / thailand trip

onward and southward to koh samui, where the full moon lurks and i learn to live like a king.

chiang mai - what wat is what, day 11

i woke early and took a tuk tuk to the first wat i planned on checking out. turns out it was under construction so i tried to walk to the famous wat chiang man. since i'm directionally challenged, i had no clue where i was going and got fantastically lost. i did however spy breakfast in a back alley, which was turned out the best pad thai i've had in my life.

From vietnam / thailand trip

i got a thai iced tea with it and i was energized even in the thai heat. then i moseyed my way over to wat chiang man, which was pretty damn impressive for my first wat. it's thought to be the oldest wat in the city and is massive. there is definitely a holy feeling walking in a wat, and i think it's enhanced by me taking off my shoes. here are a couple of photos:

From vietnam / thailand trip

From vietnam / thailand trip

the amount of detail in all of these thai wats is staggering. everything is handmade, obviously, and no small detail is spared. like most experiences/sights/sounds i've taken in, it's difficult to capture and demonstrate the ornate and spiritual feel of these temples. i'm pretty agnostic, but walking into a wat, i feel like i'm having a small out of body moment. religion has always been the struggle between the concept of self versus a greater force, the wat amplifies the chasm.

i follow the lonely planet's lead, and head to the women's prison for my first thai massage. all the masseuses are prisoners, but they are working to save for when they are released. it was an amazing massage and blew the massages i got in vietnam away. thai massages are more like deep tissue, but with more elements of aided stretches. i exited the 'spa' feeling as good as new and happy that i didn't witness a shanking or prison break.

on to the next wat, which is one of the most visited wats in chiang mai, wat phra singh. it is similar to wat chiang man, but has a 'lion buddha'. as i'm here, a man approaches and asks me about my trip offering advice for when i get to the south. he is the second man to recommend a certain thai travel agency and warns me i should book ahead. i don't linger because he mentions they close soon and as i'm stepping out of the wat, a lady stops me and says 'you know that's a scam, right?' turns out estela is on holiday from the states and is originally from brazil. she and her husband, yves, have witnessed many of these scams executed and have even thwarted a couple, although they were threatened. it starts raining and we look for a bar to grab a beer. we rendezvous with lars at the local watering hole, i play some uke and we meet some more americans, lauren and eddie. knocking back the rice whiskey, which somehow resembles cachasa to me, we start the evening out strong, munching on some falafal from a nearby stand. lauren, eddie and myself head off to the night market and the rest of the night is fuzzy.

wat phra singh:

From vietnam / thailand trip

premayhem:

From vietnam / thailand trip

bangkok - travel day to chiang mai, day 10

after the late night in hcmc, it was difficult to wake up early and leave.

i had a rough day of traveling ahead of me, mostly because of the insane 7 hour wait in bangkok airport. getting into thailand went well enough, but the customs line is so much longer than vietnam and took forever.
i then spent part of the day rearranging my plane tickets so i would be in koh samui for the full moon party and spend less time in phuket, which people have been badmouthing this whole trip.

all in all, it wasn't as miserable as it could have been and i got into chiang mai around 7 and situated in my hostel where i had a prison cell type room, (although it was $4 a night). tell me you disagree:

From vietnam / thailand trip

but it wasn't lights out for me right after checking in. i went to a internet cafe, met a really nice guy named lars and then headed out to the night market. i tuktuk'ed over to the night market and took a look around. i'm not really buying much at all on this trip, so i didn't buy anything but pillows i had promised to jay and fernanda. i had some regrettably bad thai food for my first night and met a lovely french couple. i then headed back after a failed attempt to find the blues club lars had spoke highly of. since i was running on no sleep, i didn't have a difficult time passing out on the mattress that apparently the incredible hulk smashed.

tomorrow, what wat?

ho chi min city - set to 'suffragette city', day 9

my body has kept up with my early morning routine over here. i wake and beat the call again.

it's off to the bus station where the cyclo tries to hustle me. those cheeky bastards. i meet marc, a frenchman, who gives me advice and we travel together to the airport. he is enroute to hcmc too. he speaks pretty decent english and we chat in broken strange sentences.

ho chi minh city, i really only have 1 day to see, so i figure i'm going to hit the road hard. marc is tagging along and it's good to have some insight, even if i understand every other word. we grab lunch, where i have a very lovely roast duck in a claypot. we then walk to the market, which is another thing sharing a very similar feel to brazil for me. once we get inside the market, the sound of a million hammers banging some mad rhythm sound above us. monsoon season; so much for taking in the city. we snag a taxi back to the hotel and it dawns on me, i may not even get to see reunification palace which was the one thing i wanted to take in. i dejectedly walk up to the room and take a nap.

here is a pot of live crabs from the market

From vietnam / thailand trip

after a powernap, i decide to peek outside. it's not raining at the moment, so i pounce on a taxi and we speed off to the palace.

reunification palace is monstrously huge. open corridors and entertainment rooms for receiving guests. everything is so meticulous and detailed. you walk up 3 floors, gorging yourself with pristine relics which don't look like they would be out of place today. although really, really expensive stuff doesn't seem to age to me. look at my bentley, for example. reunification palace was the last vestige we and the south vietnamese had, and ho chi minh handed the keys over decades ago. it is a colossus of military forte, outdated broadcasting gear, and war rooms on top of grandiose halls. i tried to capture it's feel in photos, but i'm not sure they will do justice.

From vietnam / thailand trip

From vietnam / thailand trip

i walk home purchasing my tropical fav, coconut water and see a familiar logo. i flash the 'hook 'em' sign and it's relayed. loyd, this guy really loves the horns, i got a photo for you.

From vietnam / thailand trip

back at the hotel, i run into to more english girls. i can never discern aussie/english accents, so i always start off on the wrong foot. they laugh it off and we grab dinner. i wasn't planning on going out, but they persuade me and we head off with an aussie to the ostentatious apocalypse now club. revered for it's diverse crowd and frequent fights, it was highly recommended in my lonely planet.

we grab drinks and head to the dance floor, which is planned worse then the big dig. diners sit at fixed tables in front of the dj and with how crowded it is, you are bumping against the diners. we back out and run into another group of travelers. not wanting to sound like the typical dumb american, i introduce myself in portugese to the group wherein i meet suzannah, a lovely english girl, who is on an extended holiday. we start chatting and grab a drink, then head to the dance floor where i floor her with my timberlake executed moves. in honesty, i am bringing sexy back. i swear, i'm even starting to like the new j lo song. this may necessitate a full hand slap to the face when i get stateside, but it's infectious on the dance floor.

we retreat from the dance floor back to the open air courtyard and continue talking. then i almost become part of the allure of apocalypse now. a loose lipped aussie approaches, apparently adopting (alliteration) the might over mind theory to woo the beautiful suzannah. he takes me for the obstacle. he lays his knuckles on my cheek and growls, 'you know, you're a real weasel.' i look him in the eye and reply ' i'm glad you are voicing your opinion,' removing his fist. he replaces it and reiterates his venomous words. i inform him it's the last time his fist touch me and suzannah tells him to get lost. he leaves shaking his head in frustration. who wouldn't want to talk to a d-bag like that? it's a near miss to a skirmish and what would have been an uncomfortable exit.

all in all, it's a fantastic night and wraps up my vietnam trip.
tomorrow i learn to talk thai.

nha trang - scuba steve and flight from the valkaries on mopeds, day 8

another early morning dive. sharon left for delat after an arguing session about animal rights. it's me, the swedes, ludo and my new diving instructor from slovenia, dimitar.

going over some of these drills for my license is absolutely terrifying at times. when in a drill, throwing my 2nd regulator from my mouth scares the crap out of me. i manage though, very well to be noted. another beautiful day for diving.

we see something resembling a lobster and dimitar screws with it until it glides away with an unforeseen grace. then, there's still the test. i'm nervous like i always am with tests. i crammed some the night before in between drinks. finally, i buck up and take it. the swedes passed w/ flying colors, so i should be fine. i think i missed 3 in total with one being wrongly graded in the manual. 9m in 60 seconds, fools. and i don't find it necessary to know what magnification you see things underwater. 88%. a passing grade. ludo dubs me scuba steve. smiles all around and then it's back into town.

grabbing lunch with the swedes brought up an america they have strange perceptions about. despite being barely older than how long i've been playing guitar, they have interesting perceptions about the health care system and give me more insight into the swedish system. everyone seems to have different thoughts, but all concur change is needed. we break to the beach, where i go for a dip.

it's a whopping $1 for a beach chair the entire day and i take a stroll to the water. walking along nhatrang beach during the day, you'd never guess it wasn't california. hordes of ghosts are laying out, getting sunsoaked and befuddling natives who prize white skin. surprisingly, there are many topless girls, which is interesting because lonely planet warned about locals who snap shots of women getting out of the water in bikinis.

i am stopped in the water as i swim down the water and semi harassed by an old dutchman with eerie blue eyes. he bounces from subject to subject bobbing in the water with mucus dripping down his face. he pointedly tells me i'm attractive and wholesome, making sure to point out he isn't gay, ("not that there is anything wrong with that," right.) after briefly touching the subject of muslim, ( who he deems evil), i finally verbally disengage and swim back.

i stroll down the beach snapping shots of the sunset and something strikes me. a large family is sitting and playing music. one guitar, one harmonica, and a chorus of booze laden voices carry the godfather's theme song. i'm grinning from ear to ear and upon noting my interest, i'm invited to sit on a heineken box and passed a beer. 'yo! yo! yo!' we exclaim, bump a cheers and drink. apparently, the direct translation is now or go! then they pass the guitar to me. there are requests for clapton and the eagles. i oblige my acoustic rendition of 'hotel california' and then play some of my own music with the beach harmonica and drunken free styling choir work by the family. we raise new beers to the sound of yo! apparently then we are kicked off the beach by the police, still smiling all around as we embrace and take a couple photos. this is the experience i've been seeking in vietnam, to break free of my touristy inhibitions and simply hang out with the vietnamese.

back to ghost world, i head back to the sailing club. while paying for my bucket of rum and coke, i realize my debit card is gone. i'm positive it wasn't the beach family and i try to retrace my steps. it may have been paying for something, but i can't recall. i contact verity and put the card on hold. it's all i can do, no use in spoiling a night in nha trang. back at the sailing club; i rendezvous with the swedes and do a bit of damage on the dance floor. there is another fight, one taken out of the club in a head lock and the other wiping blood from his nose; locals it seems. i fail to understand how this remains a common occurrence here, but they definitely have security in place for a reason.

as we close out the club of sails, the girls have befriended 2 new englishmen. we walk over to the aptly named why not? bar and the group persuades me to stay a little longer even though i am flying out the next morning at 6. i'm in the restroom when a fairly amiable looking gent asks where i'm

mr. dominic hall, i owe you a beer next time we meet. hall is from the uk and upon deciding i'm a cool cat, he imparts some wisdom on me. a friend of his had been robbed and the same trick had been attempted on st. hall himself, although he was too daft (endirekt). a woman approaches offering unsolicited acts, she distracts whilst a gang of women pull up on mopeds and grab you. it wasn't until they vanished rapidly that dom's friend realized he had parted with his possessions. i thank dom and tell him i will say goodbye on the way out.

back at the table of swedes and englishmen, i engage in another serious conversation with the knowing english. upon seeing the looks of severity on our faces, the swedes command me to change the topic. i take this as my exit music and bid them safe travels. i shake dom the great'si'm off.

well... off for a block before a woman grabs my arm. i keep saying no to the offers, but she won't have it. my hand is on my wallet and i hear the putter of mopeds, glancing over my shoulder to see 5 or 6 valkyriettes reinforcements hurdling down on me. thankfully, i know what to do. i tell the woman to shove her offers, physically remove her and extending my middle finger, dash away from the ominous scene. daft steve is too quick on his toes to get caught by hoes!

i walk with my head on high to the hotel, pack my things and fall asleep. it was an epic day.

tomorrow is hcmc in one day.

nha trang - in an octopus' garden, in the shade, day 7

i beat the wake up call and have a breakfast and walk to coco diving company. run by ludo, a funny man from luxembourg and very knowledgeable instructor. along with us are 2 swedish ladies, karin and linn, who are traveling an extensive trip after graduating high school. we are immediately off to the island of koh mun and i go through the basics with a frenchman named ben with sharon. they take care of most of the movement on this first dive and i like to think it came very naturally to me.

in short, diving is a completely different world. the colors are so visceral and iridescent, sometimes, i think my eyes are tricking me. diving beats the living daylights out of snorkling! sure, it's more expensive, but to witness the gift of depth and not hurrying yourself while you are down there, you really experience the ocean for what it is. to me snorkling has become similar to reading about the moon and diving is landing on the moon and picking up some moon dust and showering yourself in it. the clarity is absolutely amazing and despite the fact ben is literally pushing me everywhere, the first dive blew my eardrums and mind. we have a little baguette lunch and then talk about the upcoming dive on a different site. this dive, my handler was the vietnamese gentlemen, whose name i forget. on top of pushing me around underwater, he is in charge of the underwater photos, so he is really relaxed about letting me go on my own. it's astounding to me how peaceful and calm i am when i'm underwater. the amount of energy necessary to maneuver is extremely low. the other awesome thing about diving is the hand signals. obviously, my accent is difficult to understand underwater, so they have sign language to communicate universally. the 'ok' sign, which is completely derogatory in brazil, means ok with a question mark and can be used as the response to the question. thumbs up is go up, down is go down, wishy-washy is something isn't good and you point to your ears or goggles; my favorite is the madonna-esque 'like a virgin' pose which signifies you are cold. the water is like bathwater, but at times cold currents come through and they can actually be freezing! the body can go into hypothermia at 95 degrees and you dissipates heat 25 times faster than in the air.

after the dive, the salesman at the shop recommends we go get a massage with the blind. apparently they think vietnamese massages are better than ones in thailand. i politely disagree. i've got a high pain tolerance when it comes to deep tissue massage, but this was a different story. the masseuse put thumbs into the small of my back and if i could have swiveled my head 180, i'd bet i'd see a handstand. my 14th vertebrae thanks you heaps.

i've been pretty accommodating to sharon's vegetarianism. she isn't my girlfriend; she's just someone i ran into on the plane who was headed the same direction. i don't think you can get a good feel for the food in vietnam if you stick to vegetarian food either. she starts in about how we won't stop being cruel to other humans until we stop eating animals and i decide to play devil's advocate akin to my philosophy days in college. i tell her that something must die for us to live, (she could have given the example of fruit in hindsight, but that's not enough to live on), and she can't come back with an actual argument other than you can't see/hear plants suffer. i can tell i've struck a nerve though.

nha trang beach with the locals

sharon is pretty eager to travel to dalat, and although it's close, i want to have another dive so i am certified. she makes a couple of weak arguments and i don't relent. i guess that was that and she headed up to dalat and i stayed in nha trang. safe travels, that's all you can wish a fellow traveler when you part ways.

i then go back to the hotel, shower up and go out for dinner. this night, a guy at a electronics booth convinces me to eat at the indian restaurant adjacent to his shop. i ask if it's really that good or if he gets a cut. he concedes it's a bit of both, as when he gets a diner to go there, he gets a free meal. i try it out and wasn't disappointed. i had the tikki masalla (sp? jay?) and it had lovely smokey flavor. sadly the nan was bland and buttery. onward to the sailing club, a dance party on the beach. it's pretty wild out there. i did hear of a fight this night and saw a fight the next.

the club is situated directly on the beach with a huge bonfire and fire twirlers. they specialize with drinks in buckets and they are cheap and strong. the dance floor gets loaded even though the decibel level is similar to what i imagine the who's concert where most of the audience and pete townsend went deaf. i'm getting used to these beach dancing anthems and it's good fun. i met an aussie dad taking his son on a trip around vietnam. we laughed and watched his blitzed son try aggressive dancing to lure a partner. i went out to take in the bonfire more and got asked to sit at a table with some girls, within the first three questions a not-so-meek hint escapes, 'you have money?'. yeah sweety... but not for you. walking home as a single guy in nha trang is physically and mentally challenging. their blocks give vegas a run for the money and on the way home, a solo gentleman of my stature is propositioned for 'ladies', coke, x and marijuana at least a half dozen times. the best thing to do is ignore them and keep walking. they don't seem to understand the word 'no,' even if it's in vietnamese.

i still have to study for my test, so i stay up really late and watch the dvd ludo gave me. then i pass out reading the book.

nha trang - beach bummer? no way! day 6

i've truly been lucky that i keep getting wake up calls on time. even though i usually habitually wake up before they manage to call me.

i organize a cab to danang and have another regrettable breakfast at the hotel.i befriend two vancouverites in search of a chiller beach than nha trang randomly. duffy and lindsay are traveling a bit and lindsay is on the same search as myself. as my conversations run, it can be a bit of a time trial to see how long i last without talking about music. it turns out randomly, duffy is in a band who my roommate matt's buddy recommended to me ages ago called ladyhawke. small world indeed. they are very nice and i thoroughly enjoyed chatting with them. they gift me some tips and are off at nha trang's airport north. 

as luck has it, an israeli living in rome named sharon saddles up next to me on the plane and we decide to be travel buddies since she is alone too. besides hinting at being a hardcore vegetarian, convinces me i should try diving in nha trang. after chilling out on the beach, she spends quite a bit of time looking up vegetarian restaurants and we look for diving shops. for lunch, the meal was cold and regrettable, but dinner was fantastic as i got a claypot meal; my favorite dishes in vietnam. we stroll around and find the diving shop and set up the dive. we then head out to a local bar, the red apple club, which would be at home in any city in america with free shots and an aussie promoter. i've been watching what i drink as i've been traveling alone. since we are getting up early, we shove off around 12:30ish to be rested for our virgin dives.

upon the walk home, i'm accosted by motorbike after motorbike, (moto!), pedalling ladies and drugs. they followed me for blocks some times and it was a little disturbing because i was alone, but i feel pretty safe in vietnam. 

tomorrow jacques stevso? zizzous?

hoi an - part deux, day 5

6am, another mind melting, sunny day in hoi an. i love the sun, but i'm beginning to believe it's only goal is to turn my pasty white physique to a lobster red shade I've only seen worn by dad after forgetting to apply sunblock in brazil under an umbrella. after a forgettable breakfast at the hotel of a bagette and boiled eggs, i start another stroll around town. it is short lived as i stop to wipe the sweat from my brow with an ice cold beer. to my surprise i run into the first south american on my trip. jineth is from colombia and interestingly enough, she is wanting to tour the marble mountains so we walk over to quyen, who breaks into his usual spiel and apparently doesn't remember we arranged a bike for the day. he told me he is a veteran of the vietnam war and was on the american's side. he promises to find another easy rider for her, and i'm supposed to be back by 12.






 

food, sometimes we consume it, sometimes it consumes us. while enjoying my fried duck stuffed with shrimp and i got chitchatting with some parisians, time flew by. i really don't recommend running, or many other activities, for that point, in 34 degree weather with insane humidity. a human stuffed with a duck, stuffed with shrimp usually maintains a landspeed of 2 mph, but i managed to kick it up a notch and squeezed at least 3mph out of my greasy duck fuel and was only 15 minutes late.

riding cyclos in vietnam has freaked me out, rightfully so, as they bomb the opposite direction in hanoi, obey no stop signs, wear no helmets and strap gear equivalent to space shuttles on their backs. easy riders have a much better rep, authentic ones at least. i was pleasantly surprised at quyen's ability to maneuver, even if the traffic wasn't a tenth as dense as hanoi. he pointed out weddings and buildings of note as we cruised through the country side to the marble mountains.

the marble mountains are something to behold. especially the 'water' one we climbed. they even have a new elevator quite like the one i encountered in salvador, brazil for the really fat tourists. i will admit the steep steps did cause me to perspire a 125% more than usual. at the top there is a gigantic white buddha and a temple. jineth and i wonder into the caves atop the mountain first. they are huge and hold the buddha which i'm standing next to in the photo for perspective. there is another cave with an adorable pair of buddhas, one sitting and another laying down behind the sitting buddha. it's as if he is the older buddha watching over his younger buddha brotha. then we venture to the pagoda atop the hill. seeing it from the ground gives you more perspective and appreciation towards the pagoda. even though they take great care of the pagodas and temples, i don't think they feed the lions much; one tried to munch my head a little.

 
we get back down and chat the marble locals up. i thought i would be more useful in conversation due to the fact i bought granite and marble for 5 years, but their family has been at it for 100's of years. we hop back on the hogs and head into town, where we tour an important governor's house kept up by his relative proudly displaying all the instruments of his grandfather, even a casio radio which looks like it was made in 1995. he did live to be 102. i was about to try the medicine potion they had in the front but a huge group of tourists came in and we left. jineth splits and i wonder around town trying to find the night life again with some new friends of friends. dave lived in japan for a while, but is bartending and managing a restaurant in indianapolis. we strike out again and they head to bed and i meet some girls from california.

the second highlight of the day behind the mountains is when i break into the locked pool and float on my back drinking beer. since there is not much light pollution at all in vietnam, the sky is amazing. the subtle sounds of the water splashing against the edge of the pool seems to charm the astral display brighter, (eat your heart out risinger). the bad part is when my ears aren't under the water, i'm listening to these 23 year old girls talk about money and their sex lives. they work in the medicine field and are going back to school to earn more. they seem completely fixated on marrying rich and doing nothing else. they did relay trysts and infidelities which i ended up holding my breath underwater for as long as i could to drown them out, (pun intended). i finally concede and retreat to my freezing room, thanks to my overzealous airconditioning!

tomorrow, i face the town of nha trang, sharks, pirates and discos! will steve continue his travels or be eaten, plundered, or turn forever into a dancing machine? tune in shortly.

hoi an - how to glow, day 4

i woke early in hanoi and took the cab from the hostel. safe to say, he tried to charge me after i paid the hotel, but i'm smart and keep copies of the receipt. i guess i'm just unhappy that he tried. short flight into danang, and even shorter in the city, as i met some aussies who were headed my way.

we managed a cab for dirt cheap, $5 a person for a hour long cab ride. but this was because 2 parisians wanted to tag along. they all went for the resort hotel, $70 a night would be a steal in the us, but i'm on a budget and i want to get the authentic experience. i realize that turning that phrase really means nothing. i'm a tourist and get treated like such, although a later entry, (hint, hint), will show you otherwise. the cab ride was interesting, hoi an is very near 2 or 3 beaches and the government and private companies have tried to erect many resort type complexes, but apparently the good ol' usa ain't the only place where buildings get shut down. massive lonely skeletons of buildings loom on the beachside, whether they have been there months or years, i have absolutely no clue, but they remain testimonials to the fact we are creating more than is desired, only then to try selling/filling empty buildings. anyway, too much philosophy. 

 
we got to their resort, which i will admit looked nice. i wasn't concerned though and when i saw the hotel i was staying in for $18 a night, i was sure they would be jealous. i had a gigantic room, a decent bathroom, a/c, breakfast and a pool (theirs was bigger, of course), but other than one night i really didn't use it.

after settling into the hotel, the manager tried to get me to buy suits. apparently everyone in this town is "related" to someone who owns a shop. they try and try to convince you this enables you to get a deal, but the truth of the matter is they are getting commission. the commission is on everything, but i've come to understand that's the nature of vietnam. bargain low, maybe 50% and go from there. just don't be impolite and keep your hands ready for the draw.

hoi an, what can i say? it's a tourist's wet dream. being a peddler's city, suits, lamps, art, and ceramics are all obviously pointedly for the tourist. the interesting thing is: in america, we try to distinguish stores by how different and unique of goods are sold, and we would most definitely not, (or i wouldn't), open a shop next to a shop with the exact same merchandise. oh usa... you are so shortminded. in vietnam, you will walk down a street of shops all offering basically the same thing, they all are pretty similar in price and most of the difference lies in the customer service. thank god i'm not here for shopping... i hate shopping. needless to say, i had a difficult time in hoi an, despite it's charming night display of lamps and lit river statues. tourists are less likely to talk to strangers because they are either in their lovey bubble or in full on shop mode, (i will mention i did find a couple from seattle and a couple others (word play!) who were kind enough to let me crash their bubbles). 

 
hoi an was absolutely boiling hot. i mean, so hot you start walking a minute outside after you've showered and pools of sweat are cascading down your face. not to mention your shirt feels like mummy wrap because your sweat has acted like a intensive bonding agent. so, after i buy the tourist package to see 5 sites, i see 3 pagodas and i'm dying. my feet feel as though they are going to blister. i ask where in god's great earth i can get a foot massage and am told it's $6 for 30 minutes, but it's a ways away. they offer to have a car pick me up. i think that sounds completely ridiculous, seeing as i'm only spending $6 and thank them and leave to walk through the market. at least it's got cover and shade. 

 
while i'm baking like a french baguette, i manage to score some dragonfruit and munch on what i describe as a kiwi meets cucumber. while i'm stuffing my mouth, i ask again about a foot massage. after a couple of confused looks, a woman comes by and listens intently. she then walks me through a maze of the market and finally i get seated and told the masseuse will be there shortly. i was a little worried, but then again, there are so many people in the market that surely, i could just yelp a little if i get robbed... the masseuse, tu (?) shows up and offers me a massage for $10 and i say it was $6 with another company. she then concedes and offers a full body hour long massage for $10. she did an amazing job. apparently she was taught from her mother and is really good with deep tissue and my feet are as good as new. i thank her and head out to the hotel and shower. 

where the night life is in hoi an? during the day streets are flooded with 'ghosts' shopping around and eating, but at night, they seem to vanish in that way ghosts do when mario is looking at them. well, i guess you can still partially see them even then. so after a good walk around, i settle at a restaurant near my place, mostly due to the amount of people eating there; more people eating and still alive, the better the restaurant. it starts to rain and a couple comes in from outside and sits behind me. after hearing english, i bulldoze my way into the conversation and they oblige a seat at their table. turns out they are from seattle! wedgewood represent! (their blog) they've started a year long trip and we start discussing all the usual things seattlites talk about, including politics, news and the awkward elephant in the room called
'work'. we walk around in search of an animated and interesting bar; ending up on the balcony overlooking the pavilion where live music is being performed. it just seems like everyone's asleep in their lover's arms with air conditioning on full blast. we part ways and i head back to the hotel to get some sleep before i take a big chance on an 'easy rider', (a chopper style bike with a guide who speaks decent english) named 'win', up to the illustrious marble mountains. in vietnam, bikes seem as dangerous as slapping a cobra in the face and calling it's mother a worm, so i don't have to mention i'm anxious.

 
until next time, dear reader.

if you should care to look at more pictures they are located here_____________________________

halong bay - dragon's pearls, day 3

halong bay. what a miraculous demonstration of nature's potential. we were picked up at 8ish and swept off through the country's red river delta, amidst a sea of motorists gone insane. we made it through border towns, passing gigantic trucks at our peril in the opposite lane. the 3.5 hour drive over was simply hairy; some kind of chicken game ferociously played for terms of lives on the asphalt. i learned to just look at the countryside. more than once we had huge trucks belting at us, head on and astoundingly enough, i'm still alive. perhaps it was my donation at the temple yesterday? motorbikes, by the way, are the craziest folks, and if i'm not nudged/bumped/killed by one before i leave, i will scratch the buddha's belly in triumph. finally, we started seeing some halong signs, denoting we were in the city.

halong seems to be a smaller version of hanoi. bustling and bursting with activity, but rural and spread out. if it wasn't for the awesome tour guide and fellow travelers, it wouldn't have made quite the impact. i was told you need to witness the 2 night, 3 day tour and with my reckless/ignorant/last minute plans, this was impossible. instead, i was on the one day tour and it turned out pretty well. carrie, a londoner on a jaunt around the world, had more than a couple of hints for me, as well as some advice on blogging. then there were paul and susan, a couple of brits living in singapore. after we got into hanlong bay, we were herded off the death vessel/bus, onto the floating (piece of) 'junk'; just kidding, our barge was in really nice condition.

the islands in halong bay are incredible soapstone peaks jutting from the tea green sea. apparently they are numbered over 3,000 and were created by the dragon father of the vietnamese people, (their mother is reported to be a fairy; for serious). as myth or the truth goes, the dragon spit pearls into the ocean and created the peaks to protect vietnamese people from the invading chinese.

we ventured first to a fishing village to commune with our soon-to-be meal. the floating fish marts save seafood in sunken nets for lean times. they have a plethora of seafood: fish, octopus and shellfish. we were briefly looking at the fish one moment, then the next, back on the boat for lunch. First course was french fries, (which the brits call crinkle chips), spring rolls, and a cucumber salad. then on to seabass, garlic octopus and sauteed greens. for desert, they brought us a huge bowl of rice and some slices of pineapple. then we were off to the cave of wonders!

well, they should have named it that, although disney would surely have a lawsuit. they call it the cave of surprise, an island where we saw gigantic limestone caves which were moodily lit. as the trip guide was offering free drinks if you could correctly identify formations; it seems who ever named them was doing so after numerous drinks.

seakayaking. a sport where carrie and myself set an olympic record for circling craggy islands. it was fun and i was surprised at how deft we were able to maneuver. the water was cool and refreshing to touch and i was extremely tempted to jump in, although that would have been to both our woes if i tried to get back in. we spanned quite a distance in only 30 minutes and saw some caves which were too small to enter as well as a shrine to swimmers who were eaten by the dragon. ok, i made that up, but who knows what it could have been for? maybe swimmers who drowned? the other weird thing is at these offerings i see boardgames and white castle cookies. call me ignorant, but i thought buddha would be better fit with keebler cookies and monopoly, not jenga and white castle. then onward and inland on the boat.

although we missed sunset, there was a beautiful blanket of fog, still enshrouding the islands and the sun made it's final wave to use as we docked. the ride back was another 3.5 hour white knuckle affair; equally maniacal. i tried to sleep with no success and chatted a bit with carrie, who passed out after deeming my blog's title worthy.

back in hanoi, where the party in the city, don't stop even though the heat is on. i made a short visit to the nightmarket. (insert thee more shallows 'night at the knight school' reference). it was filled with haggling people and after a moment of entertaining a vendor for some shades, i decided i was too exhausted to talk him down. i was that tired. but i promised to meet carrie for a drink and a few beers later, we closed the bar. at 11pm. for serious, how can a town with a party reputation keep it's title if bars close at 11? oh yeah, because all you have to do is walk up the street and there is an even dingier bar, one where some s.o.b. peed all over the bathroom. we chatted some more and even met a news correspondent. by this time my eyes were having a difficult time staying open; due to alcohol and jetlag, i promise! i said goodnight and bon viagems to carrie and conceded to sleep.